The fan hung above me like a chrysanthemum, its golden petals spinning from the ceiling. The swift blades cast dark strokes against the concrete above it. sent blurred, black stripes streaking around the orange ceiling. I'd never noticed it before. It's one of those moments when you casually glance at something that's always been there and suddenly you realize you've never seen anything quite so magical in all your life. I sucked in my breath and dropped on to the sofa. I had to get dressed to leave but I couldn't move - though this sight was a thing of beauty, I had to meet Mei, another thing of beauty, in ten minutes' time. Mei's beauty was unlike that of that pattern above me - hers was the steely, ever caustic tupe, like mercury. She had an impatient energy, an attraction too powerful to be fixed. She hated everything that was late.

It hit me for the first time - the whole big bad of shite, cosmic seriousness of the situation. They say that in moments of despair, staring at the dark night og the soul, you tap into pools of poetry that you never knew you had; a rare moment of eloquence grips you, as the Muse is moved by pity to visit you, enabling you to articulate the awful existential condition of man. Sitting there, contemplating my penalty, I had an epiphany, my lips moved to utter two simple, yet moving words that described my plight, something Hemingway might have said, a real literary statement in the dirty realism tradition.

Andy: I'm not immature, I'm just a free spirit.

Mei: Irresponsible.

Andy: Spontaneous.

Mei: Unprepared.

Andy: Fun-loving.

Mei: Andy, there's a difference between the fun that is funny - "ha, ha", and the fun that is funny - "weird".

Andy: What do you mean?

'You have a distressing inability to distinguish between the brand of humour that is amusing and the type that is merely disgusting. You inability to fart louder than is biologically necessary definitely falls into the latter category.'

Andy: So when can I get out of here?

Mei: Tomorrow, Maybe.

Andy: Why maybe?

Mei: Your offence is non bailable.

Andy: What? You're kidding. Even shoplifters can get bail.

Mei: -shrugs-

Andy: U mean I'll be stuck in here till my trial starts?

Mei: The magistrate will usually grant bail if you apply for it.

Andy: What? So you mean I can go?

Mei: Not until tomorrow. The sub courts don't open till then. -pauses- And that's if you can find a bailor.

Andy: What do you mean 'if'? You're going to bail me out aren't you.

Mei: We'll see.

Andy: You're not going to leave me here! You can't!

Mei: It depends on how much bail is. Maybe I can't afford it.

Andy: Look, I swear I won't do a runner. You can trust me.

Mei: Since when?

I(Andy) searched my memory for a precedent, but found none.

Andy: What if I don't get bail?

Mei: You'll be remanded in custody until the trial starts.

Andy: For how long?

Mei: A couple of weeks.

Andy: No way. I'm innocent. Why should I stay in jail for yonks for something I didn't do? I have a life to get on with. Responsibilities to take care of.

Mei made a lip-farting noise.

Mei: Like what? Playing level 3.11 in Doom for the eight-hundredth time?

Andy: No. For one thing, there is no level 3.11 in Doom. And another - answer me this- if I'm in jail, who's going to take the kids to Fort Canning?

Mei: I'm sure they'll survive the disappointment.

Andy: You are so mean to me. I don't think I want to go out with you any more.

Mei: Thank God. Another prayer answered.

everything quoted from

tan hwee hwee ; foreign bodies.